As a spoonie each of us has our own way we handle the bad days. You know the ones. The ones where the pain seems never ending, where everyone around you only make things worse. The ones that make us feel like never getting out of bed because if we do it’ll only make things worse. Those are the days that make us feel like we can’t fix one illness before another gets worse or shows up.
For many of us spoonies we turn to music. Music has been my go to coping technique since I was first diagnosed with Epilepsy as a child. Since then I’ve learned to relate music with my feelings good, bad and everything in between. This is my list of my top 5 songs I listen to on those bad days. These are songs that keep me pushing forward and the lyrics that help me get through those bad days when I can’t seem to keep going.
War At Home by Josh Groban
This song was written by Josh Groban himself after he spent time in the hospital with injured vets when they returned home. I think it speaks to spoonies as well and the war we battle everyday with our illnesses.
“A fallen brother,
A fallen husband,
He’s about to be woken in his hospital bed
Doesn’t want to rest
Just wants to run
And he’s tired of being told that he’s the lucky one
A caped crusader,
Newborn leader, but
You should see her when her daughter’s on the phone
And she wipes the tears away
And she laces up because there’s still hell to pay
And it sure feels like hell today”
There, There Katie by Jack’s Mannequin
Andrew McMahon the lead singer, who is a spoonie himself, wrote this for his sister Katie while he was under going treatment for his Cancer. He has since gone into remission but I feel no matter the name being sung all spoonies can relate to the lyrics being sung.
Katie, I’m sorry
That in your condition
The sunshine’s been missing
Don’t believe that it isn’t there
Oh and Katie
Katie, be happy
This world can be ugly
But isn’t it beautiful”
Superman (it’s not easy) by Five For Fighting
Five For Fighting is one of my favorite singers ever. This song reminds me that it’s okay to not be okay and that I don’t always have to be so strong. That sometimes even the strongest spoonie needs to break down.
“It may sound absurd but don’t be naïve
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
And it’s not easy to be me”
Swim by Jack’s Mannequin
This one to me is the spoonie version of Dory’s from Finding Nemo “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.”
“You’ve gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you’re not so sure you’ll survive
You gotta swim
And swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven’t come this far
To fall off the earth”
My Reply by The Ataris
This is a song that was written by the lead singer in response after a young girl with Cancer sent the band a letter saying she may not have much longer but wanted to thank them for their music helping her through the tough times. It’s one of my favorites and helped me a lot while being a spoonie in high school.
“I wish there was something I could say
To erase each and every page that you’ve been through
Even though its not my place to save you”
From one spoonie to many others, no matter what helps you get through the bad day I hope you find some strength in the songs listed above. Remember when you feel like you can’t go on there’s always another spoonie cheering you on from a far and always a song to say the words you can’t.
“After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.”
Keti blogs on Indie Nerd Girl