Tag: life

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The Internal Struggles We Face with Multiple Chronic Illnesses.

Chronic illness is like eating potato chips – you can never have just one. At least that's true for me. I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease in 1995 and since then I have had an avalanche of multiple other chronic illness diagnoses. From Depression and Anxiety to Fibromyalgia and Bile Salt Malabsorption to Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Insomnia. I think the chronic nausea and diarrhea are there just for fun. I might have even missed a few, but you get the idea. I have a gamut of chronic nonsense happening writhing my body.

Chronic illness is like eating potato chips – you can never have just one.  At least that’s true for me. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease in 1995 and since then I have had an avalanche of multiple other chronic illness diagnoses. From Depression and Anxiety to Fibromyalgia and Bile Salt Malabsorption to Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Insomnia.  I think the chronic nausea and diarrhea are there just for fun. I might have even missed a few, but you get the idea. I have a gamut of chronic nonsense happening writhing my body.

The Day to Day: What will flare and what won’t?!

Sometimes everything can remain in check.  My bowels remain relatively calm and only give me somewhat minor issues. My depression and anxiety are held at bay with more positive things that might be occurring in my life. My insomnia gets tired and finally goes to sleep so I can rest. And I can sometimes even manage to move just enough, or just little enough, that my Fibromyalgia is mostly quiet and I don’t hurt as much as I usually do. Though these moments are super rare, they do occasionally happen. It’s never for long and never, ever predictable, but the moments do occur. And in those moments I feel like what I imagine a healthy person feels like; or at least someone less like myself.

Then there are the days when everything works against each other to cause complete and total anarchy in my body and brain.  A typical day like that is one of the toughest because I’m not only fighting one of my chronic illnesses, I’m fighting all of them at once. When these days happen the illnesses are just continually feeding off of each other.  It’s like fighting a Hydra – cut one head off and three more grow in its place. These days are challenging and just as unpredictable as the really good days, but somehow they happen more often.

I'm not only fighting one of my chronic illnesses, I'm fighting all of them at once. When these days happen the illnesses are just continually feeding off of each other. It's like fighting a Hydra – cut one head off and three more grow in its place. These days are challenging and just as unpredictable as the really good days, but somehow they happen more often.

Inside My Mind and Body with Chronic Illness

Chronic illness is like eating potato chips – you can never have just one. At least that's true for me. I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease in 1995 and since then I have had an avalanche of multiple other chronic illness diagnoses. From Depression and Anxiety to Fibromyalgia and Bile Salt Malabsorption to Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Insomnia. I think the chronic nausea and diarrhea are there just for fun. I might have even missed a few, but you get the idea. I have a gamut of chronic nonsense happening writhing my body.

Follow me down this rabbit hole of chronic illness overload to experience what my body goes through, and how it talks to itself.

It usually starts in the early hours of the morning between 4:00am and 6:00am.

Brain:  “Wake up!”

Anxiety:  “Hey remember that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you’re going down a roller coaster? That weird adrenaline rush feeling? Here you go. Do you feel it?”

Stomach:  “Ahh! What the heck??!!”

Body:  “Please, I’m tired.  Let’s sleep. Nothing is going on.  I’m safe. I’m warm. I’m okay. Just sleep.  Please.”

Anxiety:  “Nope. We have things to worry about.”

Body:  “Don’t wanna.  Wanna sleep.” Tries to roll over but realizes it hurts.  Elbows and wrists are stiff and achy. Legs feel heavy.

Brain:  “Nope. Not happening.”  

Bowels:  “Hey, guess what’s up?  I am! And I gotta go. NOW!”

Brain:  “Can’t we ignore you, bowels? You never play fair.”

Bowels:  “No way – gotta go – NOW!”

Body:  Manages to sit up. “Ouch, my back!”

Body:  “Must to run to the bathroom.” Quickly realizes everything hurts. Screams silently from every muscle and joint but knows we must make it to the bathroom or we’ll have an accident.  Curses bowels.

Bowels:  “We’re done.  For now. Heh, heh.”

Body:  “Please let’s go back to sleep now.  Everything hurts.” Manages to lay back in bed and get covers on top of me.

Brain:  “You can try but it isn’t going to work. I’m getting cranky.”

Anxiety:  “Remember that thing that you said but you should have said this instead?  Let’s think about that and replay the conversation twelve different ways over and over even though we know it will never happen. C’mon, it’ll be fun!”

Brain:  “No, that’s dumb.  Don’t think about anything.  Just lay here and be quiet.”

Body:  “Yes! Let’s sleep more.”

Bowels:  “NO! Let’s go again!”

Body:  I’m so tired.  I hurt so bad. Okay, I guess we’re doing this.  Throws covers off and runs to the bathroom again.

Brain:  “Maybe I am tired now.  But now I hurt. I’m going to ache and throb now.”

Depression:  “I hate everything.  I wish we could just hide under the covers and never get out of bed again. Like, ever.”

Body:  Drags self back to bed. Attempts to get comfortable.

Stomach:  “Hello? Yes, I still hurt.  I’m still here. Here’s a bad cramp because I’m feeling left out.”

Anxiety:  “What if…”

Brain:  Throb, throb, throb.

Body:  “Drink water. I need water. I’m dehydrated. Get up and get water.”

Stomach:  “Don’t do it.  I’ll reject any sort of hydration or nutrition you give me.”

Bowels:  “If Stomach doesn’t reject it I will.  Oh hey, let’s go AGAIN!”

Body:  “Ugh!” Runs to bathroom again.  “I’m so tired. I just want to lay down on the floor.  That bathroom rug looks comfortable. Let’s lay down.”

Brain:  “That floor is going to hurt so bad.  You might get down there but how are you going to get back up?” Throb, throb.

Bowels:  “Oh we’ll make sure she gets up. Heh, heh.”

Body:  “Fine, forget the floor.  I’ll go to bed.” Finally gets back to the bed and gets somewhat comfortable. “Why do I hurt so bad?  I did nothing yesterday that would cause this pain. I need a hot shower. Hey Bowels, how long until the next …. oh!” Runs to the bathroom again.

Bowels:  “Yeah, we’re doing this every fifteen minutes.  No shower for you today!”

Body: “Meh, I’m too tired to shower now anyway.”

Brain:  “What time is it now?” Throb, throb.  “Oh, we’ve only been awake an hour? It’s going to be a long, bad day.”  Throb, throb, throb.

Depression:  “I’m so tired of this. No one possibly understands how bad this is.  No one cares. This isn’t living. This is terrible. If we lay here still enough can we just stop breathing?”

Anxiety:  “But what about all the things you need to do?  What about all the things you have done? Let’s stop and reassess everything in your life right now.  Hey, remember that time in third grade when…”

Brain:  Throb, throb,  “No please, no.  Just everyone shut up!  I’m hurting.” Throb, throb, throb.

Body:  “Hey, I’ve been hurting and just want to sleep but no one is listening to me!”

Inside my mind and body with multiple chronic illnesses. Sometimes all I want to do is sleep!

Stomach:  “I don’t feel so good either. Brain pain is making me feel sick.  I think might throw up.”

Body:  “Oh no, I cannot handle retching right now.  It’s going to hurt so bad and it already feels like someone took a baseball bat to my back. Let’s try to lay back down.”

Bowels:  “Haha! No!”

And so on and so forth throughout the day as the never ending cycle of what happens when all my chronic illnesses come together and work as one, slowly feeding off of each other in another attempt to destroy me.  It’s excruciating and it’s exhausting. But somehow, every single time I make it through. These days are the worst, and even though at the time when my body is continually arguing with itself, I somehow always know that I will make it through.  The next day might not be so bad, or the day after that. So I hang on, just one more day. Because eventually, I will get one of those good days where all my chronic illnesses play nice with each other. And those are the best days.

Jenni Lock is the creator of Jenni’s Guts blog and writes about her journey with intestinal nonsense and other chronic health issues. Her sense of humor, sarcasm, and willingness to talk about the things most people just think are all part of her charm. Jenni is a nurse, however is unable to work due to struggling with Crohn’s disease, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Bile Acid Malabsorption, chronic nausea and diarrhea, Fibromyalgia, Anxiety, Depression, Insomnia and PTSD. Learn more about Jenni and her guts at http://JennisGuts.blogspot.com.

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What It’s Like to Have Anxiety and Cerebral Palsy

When I think of the word anxiety, it brings up the feelings of worry and stress that my cerebral palsy causes in my everyday life.

It’s not that I want to have anxiety or that I like the feeling of having it, it’s just the simplest things can trigger me. I noticed the first thing that triggers me to have anxiety attacks is when I can’t physically be a part of something because of the disability my cerebral palsy causes me.

“…the simplest things can trigger me.”

Anxiety from sitting on the sidelinesFor example, when I was growing up and attending public school, going to physical education class used to be my least favorite class. If the teacher had something that I couldn’t be a part of, I would have sit on the sidelines and watch, wishing I could be like the rest of the world.

I still feel the same way at times, even as an adult. But I would say what triggers my anxiety now as an adult is not being able to get up and go like a “normal” person would. I become overwhelmed with the everyday stresses of life.

“…what triggers my anxiety now as an adult is not being able to get up and go like a ‘normal’ person would.”

Having cerebral palsy can make me feel very overwhelmed with life altogether. Going to doctor’s appointments can become very stressful and cause me to have an anxiety attack because of the outcome of the doctor’s finding of my condition.

When it comes to my anxiety, it feels like the world is spinning and nothing I do could stop me from having an attack. But it also feels like I’m trapped in my own body because I’m stuck in my space that I can’t get out of twenty-four seven.

“…it feels like the world is spinning and nothing I do could stop me from having an attack…”

Anxiety from the chronic pain of cerebral palsyIt’s so hard just to keep going at times, especially when I look at people my age that don’t have anything wrong with them according to society.

Dealing with the pain also causes anxiety for me as well. My mind goes on a roller coaster ride as my legs begin to hurt and I think to myself, “Oh, here we go again.” Along with that it also feels like I’m the gingerbread man in the board game when it gets stuck.

But the thing that helps it all, aside from having to sometimes take medication for it, is the support of my family and my faith in God as my savior because I know with Him by my side I’ll be okay.

About the Author:

Tylia Flores writes about anxiety and cerebral palsy.Tylia Flores is a 22-year-old born with cerebral palsy. Although her condition has affected her mobility, it has never affected her will and determination to make a difference in the world. Through her many life challenges and obstacles, she discovered her passion for writing. Tylia’s goal in life is to share her stories with the world. In doing so, she hopes to help others with disabilities realize that they, too, have the potential to make their dreams come true.

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Chronic Illness: Does It Make Me Less of A Woman?

Have you ever asked this question to yourself?

Or maybe its counterparts: “Am I enough?” or “Do I have what it takes?”

“Am I enough?” … “Do I have what it takes?”

Well, who can blame you?

You can’t stay out long without worrying about your unpredictable and embarrassing symptoms that can come on anytime.

You’ve canceled multiple events, projects, trips and dates because of your chronic back pain, migraine, brain fog or other chronic symptoms you cannot identify anymore.

Or, you gave up that promotion because you need to rest and stay home to hopefully (fingers-crossed) recover.

Heck, you can’t even clean up your own room and shower on your bad days!

For most of these things, I have learned to live with and without through the years since I became a spoonie. But there is still this one thing that makes me cringe and keeps me awake at night.

“I have learned to live with and without through the years since I became a spoonie. But there is still this one thing that makes me cringe and keeps me awake at night.”

The Most Popular Pageant Question

“What is the essence of being a woman?”

Let that question hang for a moment there and let’s think about it.

While I haven’t joined any beauty pageant (nor will I ever join one), I’ve felt compelled to answer that question as I got older.

Most especially right after every major flare-up.

And then there are those follow-up questions that I often hear from family and friends that take my self-worth to a nosedive.

“How can you handle the stress of being a wife and a mother if you’re like that?

“Can your body bear and give birth to a child?”

“You get dizzy often. How can you survive the sleepless nights of a new mother plus manage the household?

I love kids and I’d love to have my own.

I long to care for and love a lifetime partner.

I’m not going to lie to you. Motherhood has been one of my dreams as a woman.

I thought it was a big part of my essence.

So, what if…

… my condition won’t allow me to bear and raise a child, do most of the house chores, homeschool, and get a regular job?

Will I be less of a woman? Will I not live up to the true essence of a woman?

Ms. Universe 1994 Sushmita Sen said that, “Just being a woman is God’s gift that all of us must appreciate. The origin of a child is a mother, and is a woman. She shows a man what sharing, caring and loving is all about. That is the essence of a woman.”

That was beautiful.

A woman does not have to be a mother or a wife to share, care, and love.

Granted, Sushmita is not a spoonie like you and me (not that I know of). And I know that it’s hard to think of your real essence when you wake up feeling like you were hit by a truck.

So, I looked for…

3 Real and Badass Women with Chronic Illness

  1. Venus Williams

Williams is one of the world’s best woman tennis players. In 2011, she disclosed that she was diagnosed with the incurable and difficult to diagnose Sjögren’s Syndrome. It’s an autoimmune condition in which the immune system mistakenly attacks the glands that make tears and saliva. It can also target the joints, thyroid, kidneys, liver, lungs, skin and nerves.

After adopting a new exercise regimen and a vegan diet, she started to recover and able to play again. In fact, she won her first tennis title in two years in 2014 in Dubai. Win or lose, she continued to play.

“I think we all dream of winning tournaments but we don’t think of being more of a force in the game of tennis other than for ourselves. For me that would be the best legacy”, she told CNN.

  1. Jen Snyder

I personally know Jen as she is one of my awesome online business mentors. She is a wife and a mom to the “best 3 crazies” (her words, not mine). She has an online business which “helps women build and grow their online business, so they can have the flexibility to do the work they love while spending time with the people they love.”

When she was 25 years old, she was diagnosed with Lupus. Later on, she discovered she also had Raynaud’s, Sjögren’s Syndrome, and Endometriosis.

Her best piece of advice for anyone living with chronic illness and trying to run a business?

“Listen to your body! If your body is saying rest, rest! Don’t overdo it so you end up in the hospital or worse. Remember we aren’t performing brain surgery or creating oxygen. Our businesses and our missions are important, but we are too!” – Jen

“Listen to your body! If your body is saying rest, rest!”

  1. Kris Carr

Kris is the subject and director of the award-winning documentary film “Crazy Sexy Cancer” which was about her transformation and health journey through cancer. On Valentine’s Day in 2003, she was diagnosed with a rare and incurable cancer.

She changed her diet and lifestyle and discovered that while she cannot be cured, she could still be healthy and feel better.

She has written 5 best-selling books and created health and wellness programs that inspire, transform and heal a lot of women.

Kris says, “If I can pull that off, just imagine what YOU can do.”

Celebrate What You Can Do

There is no shame in pulling the covers over your head and canceling your appointments to rest and take care of yourself.

There is no shame in pulling the covers over your head and canceling your appointments to rest and take care of yourself.

No shame in your physical limitations.

You may miss those things you used to do. I do, too.

But is it possible you may be taking the things you can still do for granted?

I believe that you have a purpose. Every single day, you are being equipped to fulfill it. There is no one else who can take your place to do it.

What’s Next?

Close your eyes and take 3 deep and slow breaths.

Now, think of the things you can still do.

In the comments, share one of them by completing this sentence:

I can ___________________ and I’m grateful for it.

Lastly, this goes out to you and to the woman in the mirror:

Your essence is within you and no one can take it away from you.

Chronic illness does not make you less of a woman.

Mary is a thriving spoonie, a health blogger, an online solopreneur and a natural healing advocate. Despite chronic illness, she believes spoonies are valuable, strong and capable to make a difference in our society. She is on a mission to help women with chronic illness thrive by sharing her own experiences, fellow spoonies’ success stories, tools, programs and tips that focus on real food. Join her in this journey here.

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In The Middle Of Cancer: How Cancer Effects & Shapes an Entire Family

A year after my father’s diagnosis of prostate cancer, my family and I have learned that the saying, “one day at a time” is more than a simple saying, but a way of life when you’re dealing with such a sneaky illness like cancer. My family and I aren’t strangers to overcoming obstacles but when we got the news about my dad having cancer my mom, sister, and myself all wondered how did we get here? Is this really happening? And what do we do now?

“…when we got the news about my dad having cancer my mom, sister, and myself all wondered how did we get here? Is this really happening? And what do we do now?”

Once the initial shock wore off, we had a game plan. We eventually started taking each day as they came. And soon we realized that all things considered we were very fortunate. To have had (and to still have) the outpour of love and support from friends and family means so much. We realize now that family doesn’t necessarily have to mean you share the same blood, but you can share family in spirit and in the heart.

While cancer will always be something we contend with, it’s comforting to know we won’t be doing it alone. I have noticed my dad has changed some since his diagnosis; he is more reflective and reminisces a lot. Music also has played a big part in our journey. When my dad first started chemo, my sister started a chemo countdown where he wore his favorite metal and rock band t-shirts to his chemo appointments, then talking to the artists via Instagram and Twitter. Does music heal? Maybe not from the scientific standpoint. But it does help, not only the person going through it, but it can also help soothe and forget your issues for just a little while.

“I have noticed my dad has changed some since his diagnosis; he is more reflective and reminisces a lot.”

I also believe a positive attitude is everything. If you believe you can, you will. It’s important to remember too, that putting on a brave face also means being real about your dealing with. If you’re pissed, be pissed. If you want to scream or cry then do just that. I have done all of the above.

When you’re faced with something as scary as cancer, it can teach you very quickly what is important. I also know that we could have it much worse than we do. I know for me that what I used to think of as a big deal isn’t. And that I do my best now not to take for granted any and all chances that I am given to tell those how much they mean to me, and how much I truly love them.

“…it feels like we’re walking on this surreal tightrope. Where are we balancing between keeping a normal routine? We’re holding our breath once more with the next doctor appointment.”

For my family and me, it feels like we’re walking on this surreal tightrope. Where are we balancing between keeping a normal routine? We’re holding our breath once more with the next doctor appointment. It’s in these moments where I turn to music once again. And one song I leaned toward to the most during the beginning of this was a song by one of my favorite bands called, Jonathan Jackson + Enation. The title of the song is “Anthem For The Apocalypse.” “Would you look me in the eye? You have nothing to fear the storm will clear. I will hold you in the night.” It just so happens that on the day that this album came out on, July 14th, 2016, that was the day my dad had his first chemo session.

I took that as a sign that everything would be okay. This journey will always be one my family and I will always be on. Cancer will always be a close advisory for us. I see cancer now as the unwanted guest we can’t get rid of. But if that’s the price my family and I have to pay to still have my dad then, we can learn to live with cancer.

I guess that’s the in-between of living with cancer. Having to deal with it, manage it in a way where it’s not the main focus in your life, but you still know it’s there. It will always be there for us; for my dad.

In other words stay on top of treating it, but making sure it doesn’t topple you in the process.

“I see cancer now as the unwanted guest we can’t get rid of. But if that’s the price my family and I have to pay to still have my dad then, we can learn to live with cancer.”

While cancer does bring a lot of uncertainty with it, there is one thing I am certain of and that is cancer has chosen one tough family to mess with. And we will never surrender to it. We are ready to fight with everything we have in the years to come. Cancer has nothing on us. Adversity and fighting against unbelievable odds are what my family and I do best.

We don’t like it, but we learn to live with cancer in the best way possible. And we do what we need to deal with it at that moment. And believe me, there are plenty of moments. We learn to lean our strength as a family and remember that tough moments in the journey of cancer are part of the deal. If cancer has taught me anything is that when you find yourself in the middle of a pile of crap, you push through it. Because that is only part of the journey and not the entire journey.

Jessica is the founder/writer of the blog, “The Abler.” She is also the host of her own podcast, “The Many Faces Of The Abled.” She is a passionate disability activist. You can find her blog at https://seetheabled.blogspot.com.

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How to keep New Year’s Resolutions with Chronic Illness

A new year can be the start of a new beginning. It is typically the time where people set new goals to accomplish for the next year. But with a chronic illness, keeping a New Year’s resolution can be extra challenging. Below are some tips to help you reach your goals and accomplish your dreams!

How to keep your New Year’s Resolutions with chronic illness-

1- Be Realistic.  Set goals that you know you can accomplish.

Example- If better fitness is your goal, set realistic goals appropriate for your lifestyle, illness and activity level. If you tell yourself “I’m gunna lose 10lbs a week” and then you don’t you,  will be discouraged and end up giving up. Be realistic. Instead of saying “I’m gunna lose 10lbs a week” say “I’m gunna eat right, hydrate and exercise as best as I can.  Health is the FIRST priority.

3- Pace yourself.  Don’t be “all or nothing.”

If you start out all “gung ho” and go “full throttle” you will burn yourself out and end up giving up. Change isn’t easy and it has to be done in sensible increments.

Example- If you are trying a new diet, do your food adjustments slowly. You will throw your body into a quick and painful detox if  you all of the sudden drop all sugar, gluten or meat out of your diet. Focus on replacing the bad things with good things. Instead of eating a piece of cake after dinner, have a piece of fruit instead. Instead of drinking sweet tea throughout the day, replace it with water.

Change needs to happen in a way that ensures you will continue the new habits you’ve chosen to add to your life.

3- Make Positive Resolutions. Be sure you are doing what’s best for you.

Do not compromise your health for any New Year’s resolutions.

Example- All of us with chronic illness would like to be on less medicine. If this is your goal, be sure that you are vigilant of your health needs first. Yes, you want to be off the medicine but if it is helping you or even keeping you alive- this resolution is not what is best for you.

When it comes to adding or taking things out of your life, be sure you are weighing the proper Pros and Cons. Don’t put your health at risk for anything. I promise you it’s not worth it.

Your health comes first, before any resolution.

4- Write out Out.  Make a visual chart of what you hope to accomplish.

Grab a pen and paper and write out your weekly, monthly and yearly goals that you hope to accomplish.

Write out a “game plan” of how you are going to accomplish your resolutions.

Example- Schedule for the New Year’s Resolution of getting healthier.

Daily Plan- Drink at least 8 glasses of water. Walk for at least fifteen minutes. Eat healthy foods.

It may help you to post your goals around places you will see them (your mirror, your desk at work, your car, etc)

5- Get Support. Align yourself with people who have the same goals.

Example- If you are starting a new diet, find an online support group for people also on that diet to get tips, recipes and information to help you succeed. This will give you encouragement and accountability.

6- Understand that things take time. Don’t be hard on yourself.

Any change is going to take time!  Nothing happens overnight!

You won’t be able to get everything perfect all at once. There will be days where you fail but that is okay! All that matters is that you try your best.

All good things take time to develop and bad habits die hard.

 

You can accomplish your goals!  Don’t give up!

 

The UnChargeables Site is here if you need support!

 

 

 

Wishing you hope & healing. Love, Win <3

 

Read more from Winslow E. Dixon

 

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10 Ways to Relax

Relaxing is a necessary part of managing chronic illness.  With our busy lives, sometimes it is difficult to find ways to settle down.

 

Here are ten ways to relax!

 

1- Take advantage of nature. Soak up the sunshine, listen to the rain, feel the wind.  Whatever the weather is;  Open a window and get some fresh air.

2- Listen to a happy song.   (Examples of songs for every mood here Ultimate Chronic Illness Playlist  )

3- Focus on a happy memory. You may be stuck at work, but you can always go to a happy place in your mind. Think about a wonderful experience you’ve had in your life.

4- Take a hot bath. Epson salt soaks are amazing for relaxation and can aid in pain relief.

5- Watch a funny movie or TV show. A little distraction can help you relax!

6- Spend time with a loved one. A few hours with your best friend can make the world look a whole lot brighter.

7- Take some time to indulge yourself.   Put on your favorite comfy clothes, drink some warm tea,  put some make up on- anything to pamper yourself.

8- Read a good book. You can always escape to another world with literature.

9- Snuggle with your partner.  Hugs release the chemical oxytocin, which aids in stress regulation and can lower pain levels as well.  Don’t have  partner? Single?  Cuddling with a pet can reduce stress too. Grab that cute little dog or cat of yours and curl up on the couch!

10-  Singing or dancing.  Even if you have zero talent- these are great ways to reduce anxiety and to boost your mood.

If you are not physically able to dance, singing can lift your spirits!  Like the disney princesses- sometimes it’s fun to sing a long with whatever you are doing!

If you are able to dance- EVERYBODY LOVES the MACARENA! 🙂

 

I hope some of these tips help you relax.

Wishing everyone hope & healing  <3

Love, Win

To read more you can click here Winslow E. Dixon

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Backwards Pants and Physical Therapy

Yes, you read that right…..

Backwards pants.

Since my most recent relapse, I have developed an unfortunate amount of muscle atrophy. With the increased steroid dose and post surgery recovery, I have lost the ability to walk longer than 10 feet.

At 24 years old, I feel this is unacceptable. So this week I have started physical therapy!

I was very anxious going into my evaluation. My biggest fear was I would have some overbearing physical therapist that would not understand the dangers of adrenal insufficiency and I would end up in the hospital from being pushed too hard. I feared my body would crumble after being bedridden for six months. I feared another adrenal crisis.

The reality of my evaluation could not have been further from my fears. The physical therapist took an extensive history from me and assured me that we would proceed at my pace. She instructed me to let her know if I felt too stressed or too much pain. Upon reviewing my medication list, she informed me she had been placed on steroids for a few months and understood the struggles. She sympathized with me and expressed that she couldn’t imagine the fate of being on steroids for life. Her compassion was comforting.

My assessment astounded me with how much atrophy I have truly developed. I discovered my left side only has 30% range of motion and my leg muscles are only functioning at 3%. So it looks like I started physical therapy just in time.

The exercises she did with me were slightly painful, but I felt a sense of accomplishment to be moving again. I saw the true reality of my physical condition. I am weak now but I will get stronger.

She sent me home with an exercise regiment and I will see her twice a week for the next two months. I am very sore, but I  know that I am on the road to better function!

So where do the backward pants come in?

I got home, only to be told by my family that my black, stretchy yoga pants were on backwards and also inside out….drawstring and tag hanging out for all the world to see. I could not help but laugh. I am sure I made a great impression and appeared really intelligent with my backwards pants.

Lesson I learned today- I should not have been so anxious about physical therapy. I have the power to set limits and say no!

I also learned to check out what I am wearing BEFORE I leave the house.

Chronic illness warriors, we can’t be afraid to try new things for better health. If you know in your heart there is something you need to improve your life then GO FOR IT.

I was amazed at how one day of physical therapy gave me the hope that I will be able to walk again. There are tools and resources out there for people struggling with their health. I never thought I would have the need for physical therapy, but I am so glad it is an option.

If you feel out of control, let me just assure you that you have not exhausted every option. There is always hope, we just have to find it.

Here’s to better days of more function ahead!