Sex With A Disability (My Experience With Cerebral Palsy)

Trigger Warning, this post contains adult themes and may not be suitable for everyone.

Sexual relationships and curiosity is a natural human instinct that many consenting adults participate in, the disabled and chronically ill included. The act itself can be fraught with obstacles but enjoyable for all involved.  Today we are sharing Tylia’s experience with sex and Cerebral Palsy.

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.” 

– Woody Allen

Sex is something of love and compassion, but what happens if you have condition/disability like Cerebral Palsy and you have to negate through your body that makes it harder for us to find ways to have sex but also it makes us more curious to enter that world of sex. 

Where My Curiosity Started

I was a late bloomer when it came to wanting to have sex or have the desire to have sex as a teenager. If you want me, to be honest, I thought that the idea of sex was “gross”.  This was before my parents enrolled me in sex education class. The class was broken down for young teenagers with disabilities which I attended throughout middle school. I had the same mindset about sex up until my senior year of high school when I started to date my then boyfriend at 18 years old. 

From the beginning of our relationship my curiosity began.  It gradually happened from one day to next and the more and more we saw each other via FaceTime, the more we had fallen in love and it was the first time I would say that I've felt that emotion towards someone.

From the beginning of our relationship my curiosity began. It gradually happened from one day to next and the more and more we saw each other via FaceTime, the more we had fallen in love and it was the first time I would say that I’ve felt that emotion towards someone.

The more curious I became about sex and what it would feel like to have sex, eventually I started to catch feeling in that” area! At first I was in denial but then I learned to expect that I was growing up and become an adult and it was okay for me to become interested in sex and it was okay for me to want to explore that area as a young woman with a disability has long as I remember one thing: – Treat your body with respect and never let anyone take advantage of your body regardless of your disability treat your body with the most upbringing respect and always be curious about it . 

My First Sexual Encounter 

After dating my ex-boyfriend for about six months, we started to talk about having cybersex. At first, I was reluctant, although I was curious about it and what it would be like to be intimate together. Eventually, I finally become used to the idea of cybersex and for me, I enjoyed the rush of it and the ability to be sexually intimate although it was through technology and I think for someone who has cerebral palsy it caused me to be naive in some areas because I wasn’t able to be exposed to things early on like some people are. 

What I Learned

Looking back at my experience with being sexually active with a disability is that it’s OK to be curious about something especially if you never experienced it before but never get to carried away with something just because it’s something new and you hadn’t experience that part of life don’t let curiosity influence your choices and your decisions. 

As I grow I realize that sex is something I want to wait for and enjoy when the right time comes and when i’m less curious about it 

About The Author

Tylia Flores is a 24-year-old born with cerebral palsy. Although her condition has affected her mobility, it has never affected her will and determination to make a difference in the world. Through her many life challenges and obstacles, she discovered her passion for writing. Tylia’s goal in life is to share her stories with the world.

Managing the Challenges of Dating With Chronic Illness

Being chronically ill and single comes with its own unique set of challenges. First and most important: I don’t have energy to socialize or go out much, so how will I ever meet someone?

Being a Chargie (someone with a chronic illness, invisible illness, and/or chronic pain) is hard enough. Now add the stress of dating onto that and we feel like we will always stay single. Although it is hard to date as a Chargie, it is certainly not impossible!

How can I date with chronic illness?

We asked our Twitter community what they wanted to share about this topic. This is what they had to say!

Many Chargies feel that they are “not good enough” because they can’t do “healthy people” activities.

Dating Tip: Don’t try and go somewhere where you know you will have to use too much energy. Go see a movie or have dinner. Sit in the park. Skip mini-golf or other more active dates.

It’s hard to plan when you are chronically ill. Today you may feel fine, but you never know what tomorrow brings.

Dating Tip: Make sure to rest as much as possible before your date so you can use your energy on the actual date itself. Don’t overdo it prepping yourself. Do you wear your hair and make up like that every day? I didn’t think so. Less is more.

Explain to the other party that you have to take it slow. When you’ve just started dating someone, it’s hard to talk about health challenges. You don’t have to throw it all out there before or on the first date if it makes you uncomfortable!

Dating Tip: If you feel uncomfortable telling your date all the ins and outs of your health right from the start, keep it vague. Just say that you get tired easily. It’s a start.



How I Feel About Chargie Dating Challenges

Wouldn’t it be great if we could meet new people from the comfort and safety of our own homes? Even when we feel bad, having contact with others can make us feel better.

Spoiler alert: At the end of the article I’ll tell you how this is possible! Can’t wait? Check it out here!

It’s important to understand that your illness is not your fault. Others don’t blame you for your symptoms, and if they do, you don’t need those people in your life. Living with a chronic illness is a full time job.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. You can only do what your body allows you to do. The other person needs to understand. If they can’t, they are not the right person for you.

An understanding partner is very important. Be open and find someone who accepts you for who you are.

Dating Tip: If you find yourself ready to be intimate with someone, take the time to explain what limitations your condition may cause before you get to the moment of intimacy.

We can often feel that having a chronic illness robs us of that “youthful vitality” that permeates the typical dating scene. You don’t have to only be in your 20s or 30s to be able to date! If you’re in your 30s and your illness makes you feel like you’re 70, dare to date anyway!

Dating Tip: You don’t need to skip along the beach in a maxi dress to have fun on a date. Low-key activities can be just as enjoyable and fulfilling.

I’m a warrior; I need a partner, not a caretaker!

In some cases people will think you need help all the time, when you are not looking for a caretaker but for a partner. Make it clear to them that you can do things yourself and would love the emotional support, but are looking for an equal partnership.

Dating tip: Don’t bring this up until you are sure you want to start a relationship with this person.

Show them your character and how fun you are. Talk about your hopes and dreams for your life despite being disabled. When you don’t focus on your disability, neither will they.









If you’re dating someone who is unfamiliar with the needs of individuals with disabilities, they will likely be unsure of where the boundaries are. They may be eager to show they care by trying to help you. While frustrating for those with disabilities, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Be sure to explain that you will ask for help if you need it.

Dating Tip: If you sense that they may be using you, or not listening to your wishes, get away! If they don’t understand basic needs after telling them once, maybe twice, they will never get it.

To date or not to date with chronic illness?

Opinions are divided on that front, but one thing is clear. Dating with a chronic illness is even more work than dating without one. Wouldn’t it be great if you could skip over the part where you need to tell them about your health challenges?

There is a solution, the new dating app Lemonayde. It is a dating app especially made for people with health challenges. You can check it out here!

Graphics by T.J. Madden

Compiled and edited by Natalie van Scheltinga and Laura Tietz

Two Sides of Dating With Chronic Illness

Dating has never been a simple task since the beginning of time. Whether a fine lady being wooed by a noble in the Middle Ages, breaking convention and marrying for love in the 19th century, or swiping right in the 21st century, meeting the right person can be a challenge.

Insert chronic illness into the picture and suddenly there’s a whole slew of unique issues to manage. Upon posting a question about dating on our Facebook page, it was clear as day that there seem to be two sides to dating with chronic illness.

Dating? Go For It!

Many of our fellow Chargies who commented on the Facebook post are comfortable with dating while having chronic illness.

Honesty Is the Best Policy

“I agree honesty is the best policy. So when you’re dating someone or you meet someone on the Internet and there is an interest between two people, be honest. They will respect you more.” Elissa

“Put it all out there when you first meet them. Don’t try to hide it. They will find out later anyway. If you are upfront about it and they stay, they are a keeper.” Heather

“I am honest and open about everything from the get-go. When I met my current spouse on the Internet, I told him my issues, warned him I would never be fully healthy and would probably get worse, and went from there. I had to make it clear what he would be dealing with.” Amanda

“I am honest right away about my illnesses. No sense in hiding it because it will come out. I’ve also found it helps weed the wrong ones out. If they disappear, they’re not worth my time.“ Dawnique

“Make it clear up front that all plans are subject to change at any moment; it is not personal.” Gwendolyn

“I told my high school love after not seeing him for 22 years, ‘I have to be honest. I have MS.’ He said, ‘No, you don’t. We do.’ We are married 6 years now.” Eileen

Try Not to Make Things Too Complicated

“I don’t have the energy to play games or tip-toe around anything or make my life more complicated. Don’t make it harder for yourself by doing so and don’t feel like you need to be something you aren’t. If you lie or pretend or fake in the beginning, you can’t fully blame them when they are surprised or taken aback by the truth. Remember, if things get serious, they will be sharing your burden.” Amanda

“Just be yourself. Don’t overwhelm them right off the bat. Let them fall for you, not your physicality.” Liz

“When we got married, he knew I was sick and wanted to take care of me. Then he got sick and I took care of him. I briefly dated someone before my husband and he didn’t understand illness at all; he thought I just needed to try harder. Don’t waste emotional energy trying to change them. Just move on.” Linda

“Date another spoonie and spend your days watching Netflix and snuggling.” Bronwyn

Don’t Give Up!

“Don’t push yourself or over exert yourself. Find people who enjoy the same music, movies, books, and hobbies. Find someone with core likes and enjoyments. Connect on other levels than the physical. Find someone who isn’t looking to fix you or push you to be who you aren’t. Find someone who supports you and cares about you. Don’t settle for a rough situation out of self-pity or self-deprecation. You matter. You are a person with feelings and heart and dreams. Never lose yourself. And don’t force yourself on someone not ready or sure if they can handle what you deal with. That will be a constant uphill battle.” Amanda

“If they run, then they don’t deserve you. Any man/woman won’t care what is wrong or what is right. No one is ever perfect. Everyone has an imperfection. If they want to judge you over something like that, all I can say is they are a pathetic excuse for a human. Keep going and never give up hope. Please, guys and girls, don’t ever give up. Don’t let your worries hold you back. Your prince/princess won’t give a damn what is wrong or what is right. They will love you for you and nothing else.” Tonie

“I would suggest connecting in online groups or pages that are about your favorite hobbies, things, etc. Be wary, but be strong and be proud of who you are. Focus on your strengths. Talk about yourself in a positive light when you can. Although you should be honest, constantly complaining and always being negative will drive people away. Don’t lay it on heavy or always make it about you.” Amanda

Dating? No Way!

While many of our fellow Chargies encourage dating, others have a different view.

“Just don’t. It’s been 10+ years and just less stress this way. There is no room for any more stress or caregiving of another person.” Jamie

“No dating here, either. I used to have summer flings. But men cannot handle this. They try to cure me and then get frustrated when love doesn’t magically make my illness go away.” Anne

“See someone cute, walk tall, and smile. Then keep walking because it probably isn’t worth it!” Sam

”How can I let someone know I have a colostomy bag and just pray they won’t run the other way?” Elissa

“It doesn’t work. My body creates its own schedule. I have other medical issues so I am done dating. I definitely have too much baggage. I am ok with it, though.” Becky

“Please do NOT tell me to change my lifestyle to suit your preferences or to ‘fix’ me. My daily activities, diet, and medical treatments have developed over *years* of working with professionals, and they HAVE to revolve around my illnesses for my survival. As much as I’d love to do spontaneous and fun things, I physically cannot…and I will not tolerate being teased, pressured, or shamed for things beyond my control.” Grace

How Do You Meet Someone When You Barely Leave the House?

Dating is not for everyone. There’s no question that dating while also trying to handle chronic illness can present some significant and unique challenges.

But what if you could get to know someone before you even meet in person? If you have a chronic illness and are looking to meet new people, check out this promising new dating app Lemonayde. Made for people with health challenges, it allows you to connect with others with chronic illnesses just like you from the comfort of home!

Compiled and edited by Laura Tietz

Sleep Apnea 101


Sleep ApneaSleep Apnea is one of the many types of sleep disorders. It happens when your breathing is disrupted during sleep.A person who has a sleeping disorder sleeps poorly because they stop breathing many times during the night. It is associated with snoring and ongoing fatigue, even when you have had a complete night’s sleep.


There are three types of Sleep Apnea:


Obstructive Sleep Apnea

The most common type of Sleep Apnea. The throat muscles relax while sleeping, and blocking the air passages. Usually, people who are overweight and have excessive suffers from this type of disorder. The tissues in the back of your throat that relaxes during sleep, blocking off your airway causing you to stop breathing. You usually don’t remember waking up. This pattern can happen all night, up to 30 times per hour or more. You don’t get enough sleep and you easily become tired during the day because you don’t remember waking up at night believing you have slept well.


Central Sleep Apnea

Happens when the brain fails to send signals to the breathing muscles and you stop sleeping. This can lead to having problems getting to sleep or staying sleeping throughout the night.


Complex Sleep Apnea

This occurs when you have a combination of Central Sleep Apnea and Obstructive Sleep Apnea.


Signs And Symptoms Of Sleep Apnea

The signs and symptoms of the two major types often overlap so it may be hard to tell what kind of sleep apnea you have. The major signs and symptoms include the following:

  • Irritability during the day
  • Snoring loudly, especially in obstructive Sleep Apnea.
  • Stops breathing at the night
  • Waking up with a headache
  • Excessive sleepiness in the daytime
  • Problems maintaining attention during the day
  • Waking up with having a sore throat or a dry mouth
  • Having problems with insomnia


Risk Factors For Sleep Apnea

Sleep Apnea can happen to anyone at any age, including children. The top risk factors for developing the disorder include the following:

  • Being overweight
  • Having a thicker neck
  • Your gender
  • Your age
  • You have a family history
  • Drinking Alcohol or Taking Sedatives
  • Being a smoker
  • Having nasal congestion


Treatment Of Sleep Apnea

If you have mild Sleep Apnea, it’s highly advisable to quit smoking, take allergy medication or lose weight to improve your symptoms.

Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP), is the main treatment for moderate to severe sleep apnea. It is a device that is placed over your nose during sleep that delivers air to the air passages, keeping them open all the time. In some cases, the CPAP does not work and you need surgery.

Surgery involves taking away some of the excess tissue in the back of the mouth and on the soft palate. Other types of surgery for sleep apnea include repositioning the jaw or putting in plastic rods in the soft palate.

Sleep apnea is a chronic condition that requires long-term management. Lifestyle change, surgery, mouthpieces, and breathing devices that can successfully treat sleep apnea in many people.