My heart beats in my ears
Hard to sleep
Hard to breathe
I wish it was as simple
As anxiety

Anxiety is no simple matter
Do not mistake
For I’ve been there too
And it prepares you
For the struggle
Felt in quicksand

Imagine though
That every tick of the clock
Has to be done deliberately
Each second is
Controlled manually
Now imagine those
Seconds are breaths
Blood flow
Heartbeats inside a chest

No need to monitor
It’s in your vision
Echoing in your ears
No need to fear
At least
You’re alive
You must be

Don’t forget
To Breathe
And don’t mind
The sweat
Pouring from your brow
Don’t frown

The frown would be the
Only external evidence
Of something
So debilitating
Happening only internally

Don’t speak
They are deaf
And unimpressed
By the bodily functions
That are automatic
For everyone
Except us
I have only named a few…
Most people don’t realize
All their bodies do
…We do

Take not for granted
The ability to stand for more than
Single-digit minutes
Minus fight or flight demand

Take not for granted
The ability to walk through a store
Or even just up
To the door

Take not for granted
The ability to complete a task
All tasks desired
And not be near too tired

Take not for granted
Not having to wonder from 1 day
or 2 instead
If the day has to be spent in bed

Take not for granted
Having an amazing day
Where much is done
Then, paying not for the next one

It’s hard to find a path
The fog is just too heavy
That fog that is my mind
Pushing hard and steady
A “For what did I come in here?” moment Neverending and slightly dizzy
Doing the brain’s job for it
Has left my mind so busy
A bit like a cloud
But much less pretty
Insert line
I’ve forgotten already

Let’s not forget
That dreams may be lost
New ones must be found
What was considered
Is now extraordinary
If even those can be achieved
Questioning everything believed
Testing relationships
Living to learn
Learning to live
With the existence
We never dreamed
We would face

But don’t for a second
Not a heartbeat
A pulse
Breathe a second
Of sympathy
We know
Not to expect
Even as
We sink
In the
That has
No end
In hand
And is
After all


By: Hannah N. Ellis

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