A letter from your disabled ex

Chronic Illness tests even the strongest relationships; causing some to fail. This letter is to all those who have been through breakups. May you find your source of light.

Dear Ex,

         Hi, its me, your chronically ill ex. I’m writing this letter to tell you all the things I never got to say.

First, I want to thank you for being with me through the rough moments my health caused.  With you by my side, the hospital stays, surgeries and emergency room visits were a little less terrifying. I want to thank you for holding me on the days where I couldn’t get out of bed. Thank you for making me smile whenever all I wanted to do was cry.

I often wondered if I was cursed with all that’s wrong with me, but you were the constant reminder that there were still good things in life.

I realize it isn’t easy loving someone who needed so much help, but you never made me feel like any less of a person. You always made me feel as if I still mattered. My illness was something we both battled. You were my partner, my ally, my best friend.

As my body changed, you never made me feel any less beautiful. You promised me the disease could never make me any less beautiful, because the beauty you saw came from my soul.You never complained about staying home with me instead of traveling the world and visiting theme parks like our friends did. Our paradise was our time together.  I didn’t have to travel to exotic places, because my whole world was beside me.

Even though we are not together now, I want to thank you for being a light in the darkness.
I always attributed your presence to what saved me from utter darkness and despair. 

I saw you as the source of light in my life. 

And then I realized something!
When there is much deep, pitch- black, darkness any speck of light seems brighter.
My illness was so devastating it created so much darkness in my life, of course you seemed to be the brightest light in the universe. 

But you didn’t save me. You didn’t shield me from the darkness. 
I did. I saved me. 
I kept my own internal light burning. 
I held onto the light within my soul,

When you left, I felt like the only light in my life had gone out. But I quickly saw that I had always been holding onto my own light all along. My spirit inside me was what kept me alive all these years, not you. 
As much as it hurts to see you truly abandon me, it made me realize that I never really needed you at all.
The light I thought you were came from me the whole time.

So, I wish you well, former love.  Thank you for helping me realize the power within myself. 

     Your Chronically Ill Ex  

To read more from Winslow, visit her website

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