We Justify and Feel Guilt
We Spoonies often feel we need to be “better” for our friends and family, and then feel guilt that we are not. We try to justify to ourselves that because our homes aren’t spotless. We worry that our friends will judge us because of how we live. We really should not. We do what we can when we can. And, we don’t need to be perfect according to someone else’s standards.
A Spoonie Warrior shared the following in a group, and I believe it resonates with all of us:
Note From a Spoonie Warrior
“This morning as I was texting a friend to finalize plans for a coffee and play date, I found myself typing these words “Oh, and don’t mind my house. It’s a disaster.” Before I pressed send I thought. No. I’m not sending that.
Of course I wanted to. I wanted to justify why my kitchen is a disaster. Why there is ketchup on my white leather couch. Why my kid is wearing pants that are way to small . Why I will likely still have the remnants of yesterday’s makeup on. Why I likely won’t brush my teeth before she gets here. Why my floors are caked with dog hair. Why it smells like an old gym shoe up in here. Why I only have milk for her coffee, and not cream, because cream makes my fart….. The list goes on and on.
When I look around my home. When I look at myself and my family . When I examine all of the things in my life that I deem to be not “right” at every moment of every day, I do myself and others a disservice. I rob myself of authentic friendships. I put undue stress on myself. I put unrealistic expectations on my family . I wait for a time that will never come, when I have it all together, so that then I can _________. Fill in the blank.
People aren’t asking or requiring perfection from you as a friend. They are looking for authentic, and real people that can open the doors to their home, and their arms to friendship, proclaiming: “my house is what it is, and I have an invisible illness, but come on in, because we desire to know YOU more.”
What a breath of fresh air it would be, if you walked into a place, that was just as crazy as yours, and were able to let out a sigh of relief, because, finally you can say: “Ahhhh. You too?”
C.S Lewis says that’s where true friendship begins.
Keep going, Spoonies . You are amazing.”