By Lois Woken
I never thought I would say this but my life became better when I found the blessings in becoming disabled. I know it sounds strange. Why on earth would anyone be content with a body that doesn’t work right and causes misery. It’s simple really. I’m determined to live the absolute best possible life I can live in this body. So every day I find a reason to be alive. At first I only had a couple reasons. Now when I meditate and give thanks for my life, I am able to go on and on about the wonderful things in my life.
In the beginning, I thought I was doomed, my life was over. I even tried to take my own life, thinking I couldn’t live with this pain and sickness any longer, and that was only 8 months into this roller coaster ride. I went from high-speed ER nurse to barely able to get out of bed. I felt worthless and like I had nothing left to offer. Oh, the lies I would tell myself. I had some great pity parties! The truth is, life really is what you make it. I can choose to be angry and bitter about losing my health at 38 or I can find ways to make this the best life possible. I will admit it takes less work to sit and be angry but its very lonely and not fun. It also makes my symptoms worse. So one day I decided to quit believing the lies my brain wants me to believe. Lies such as, I’m a loser because I can’t work and make enough money like I used to. The truth is I am disabled and have a body I can’t control, therefore I can’t work and make money like I used to.
A year and a half ago I felt lost and felt like I had no control in my life. With the help of my father and my husband, I got through it and started to find purpose in my life. I became friends and worked with a wonderful life coach and reiki healer last fall. After a few sessions with her I was able to learn some wonderful meditations and ways to help improve my health. Slowly over the last year, with the help of some wonderful doctors, I have been able to achieve partial remission. So, how does that all equate to blessings? Well, in order to achieve this happiness in my life I had to make serious changes to how I think about myself, others and the world in general. I had to quit hating my body and learn to love it. If I had not become disabled I would still be looking at the world in the wrong way and I wouldn’t be happy with who I am.
Spoonies For Life is one of the biggest blessings I have found in my illness. When I first became a member, I just read posts and didn’t get involved in the group much. After a few weeks I began responding to peoples posts and getting to know them. I have made some truly wonderful and amazing friends that I would not have known if I wasn’t disabled. I also am able to volunteer as an admin in the group and provide help and support to other people suffering. It has helped to fulfill that part of me that wants to help others.
It has taken a lot of work mentally to become an optimistic happy person. I realize now that it really is a choice. I would prefer to be healthy and working in the ER. But since I’m not I have decided to do whatever it takes to be happy and at peace with my life. I hope to spread that happiness to others.
Lois Woken, Spoonies for Life Admin