One of the biggest challenges we face as “Unchargeables” is pain. Whether it’s from disease or injury- pain is an unfortunate part of our daily lives. We have our good days and we have our bad days but pain is still reality for us.
My pain comes from my Medullary Sponge Kidney, where I make daily kidney stones, have kidney/bladder spasms and frequent infections. I also have all over muscle pain due to the lack of cortisol from Addison’s disease. This pain is what I classify as senseless pain. There is no healing going on, no purpose in it. It is just pain. It has no function other than the result of something that is wrong.
Recently I have discovered there is another form of pain. This pain is not senseless. This pain is for a reason.
Since starting physical therapy, I feel like I have been hit by a bus. But for the first time in months, I’m moving my body and out of bed! My pain has increased, but I feel like this pain has a purpose. I hurt but I am getting stronger, building my muscle mass back and will be able to walk again! Every painful exercise, stretch and movement will be worth it in the end.
That being said, the senseless pain will still be there whether I can walk again or not. Some days will still be rough.
My mind continues the dance between hope and despair over this reality.
The only thing I can do is create purpose within the senseless pain.
Unfair is not a strong enough word to describe chronic illness. I can remember my students whining to me saying “But that’s not fair!” To which I would look at them and reply, “Fair is where you get cotton candy, that is the only place fair exists in life.”
Daily pain is not fair.
Chronic Illness is not fair.
Life, my friends is not fair.
Purpose is not found, it is created.
So I am choosing to create a purpose within the senseless pain.
Out of suffering comes compassion,
out of compassion comes love
and love can change the world!
I want to live in the focus of love and not my pain.
